


Moonlight

by GingerAndHyde



Category: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson
Genre: Gabriel is Feeling Things And He Doesn’t Like It, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, just accept that you feel things, period-typical repression, please gabe, ”I’ll put all my feelings right here and then one day I’ll die”
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:01:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23514352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerAndHyde/pseuds/GingerAndHyde
Summary: Pondering the strange relationship between his friend Dr. Jekyll and the mysterious Mr. Hyde, Gabriel Utterson faces a realization regarding the nature of his own connection to the man.
Relationships: Henry Jekyll/Gabriel John Utterson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote most of this at 3:00 am while listening to “Moonlight” by Grace VanderWaal and “Believe in Love” by MARINA, so these factors probably affected the tone.
> 
> Somebody tell Gabriel that he is allowed to feel things! 
> 
> Also, I had a bit of fun with symbolism, so there’s that. 
> 
> I’m tired. Enjoy!

It was four in the morning and Gabriel Utterson was awake.

Another one of those blasted nightmares. A nocturnal vision of a mysterious, faceless figure gliding down alleyways, barreling over children, and creeping up to a defenseless bedside. Not Gabriel’s own, though he often awoke from these dreams with the vague and disturbing sense that there was something lurking in the dark corners of his room that he could not quite see. The curtains, which he always kept firmly shut, refused to allow a stray moonbeam to illuminate and expose what may lay there. No, in these dreams, the strange and eerie figure of the person known as Edward Hyde was infiltrating another room: that of Utterson’s close friend, Dr. Henry Jekyll. 

Utterson lay wide awake in his four-poster bed, still feeling his heart pounding after being jolted so rapidly awake only moments ago. Facing the realization that falling back asleep was highly unlikely, he gave a resigned sigh and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He might as well get up and write some of this down in an attempt to find some order amongst the mental disarray always brought on by such dreams. Sliding on a pair of grey slippers, the lawyer shuffled downstairs to his study.

_ What is it_ _,_ he thought,  _ that upses meso about the connection between Jekyll and the young Mr. Hyde? Hyde certainly has a black reputation, one stained and blemished by such violent acts as the trampling of that child, and yet Henry continues to associate with him. Closely, too. One does not just leave all of one’s wealth to a mere acquaintance.  _

Yes, the connection between Jekyll and Hyde was obviously an odd one, even at first glance. Running his fingers along the wooden molding of the wall of the hallway, Gabriel pondered over this peculiar link as he found his way to his study in the dark. 

He struck a match to ignite one candle into sputtering life before unscrewing his fountain pen and turning to a blank piece of paper. Writing things down was the best way to get them organized, in his opinion, and to keep track of the evolution of an idea as it changes over time, studying the chronological progress of accounts. 

“What,” he began to write, “is the circumstance: Henry Jekyll is associating with Edward Hyde.”  _It looks like so foolish of a topic of concern when written so bluntly,_ he thought to himself, before adding: “Suspicious financial connection (inheritance) with an unsavory character. Potentially unhealthy social connection.” Now for the details.  “Specifics: The potential natures of their association.

  * Blackmail or some form of financial extortion.
  * Previously unknown familial connection.
  * Illegitimate son (?)
  * Genuine friendship (highly unlikely).”



Here he trailed off.

Another idea had struck him. One he had tried previously to dismiss as ridiculous. However...

Henry Jekyll never married. Never seriously courted anyone. Had always seemed so alone in that regard...

Gabriel slowly, tentatively wrote:

“Potential connection: Lovers?”

_It would make sense_ ,  he thought to himself,  _ that would be so protective of the man of their connection was more than merely financial. If they were...particularly close.  _

A strange feeling welled up within him. 

_Why didn’t he tell me_ ,  Gabriel thought,  _ that he has been seeing someone? Of course, I understand his fears...But he should know that I would never expose his secrets.  _ A legitimate concern. Sodomy, after all, was a punishable crime. Utterson was more than well acquainted with the law, but that did not mean that he had to agree with it. However, the thought that his friend would fear telling him anything- especially something of this nature- struck something within him.

But there was something more to this strange new feeling. 

_ If he’s with this Hyde fellow... _

Somehow, Henry felt lost to him. As though a door had closed between them, one that Gabriel wished to throw himself against and break down. But this made no sense! 

_ Why am I feeling this way?_, Gabriel thought, rubbing his temples as though fighting off a headache.  _ It’s not as though he has truly gone anywhere. There’s nothing to obstruct our friendship. There’s no reason we cannot remain close.  _

_And yet.._

_ We simply can’t be  closer.  _

Why did  that  feel so excruciating?

They used to be so connected. Late nights staying up together in college, messily written letters with personal details left in the postscripts, leaning close to each other when seated side by side at the theater...Utterson realized that he wanted that.

And a tiny something in his soul whispered that he wanted more.

_What_?, he thought to himself,  _ What more could I possibly want? I am happy. I am happy with our friendship as it stands, I am happy with my life, and I am happy being alone. _

_ Aren’t I? _

Gabriel drew a little spiral on the corner of the paper, watching the ink flow from his pen. 

_ But why Hyde? Of all people...why him? It’s impossible for Hyde to know Harry as well as I do, or to care about him half as much. If Henry wanted someone to love him- _

Utterson froze, halting that musing where it stood.

_ What did I just almost say to myself? _

The realization- one he had been resisting for quite some time, he would acknowledge in retrospect- hit him like a tidal wave.

_ Do I... feel ...for Harry? _

_ No. That would be impossible... _

_ And yet... _

The longer Gabriel thought of it, the more it made sense. 

Staring into the flame of the one lit candle, Gabriel Utterson told himself the truth...

_ I love him. _

_ I love him; I love how passionate he gets when he speaks of the things he cares about, I love our special conversations after dinner parties have ended, I love his way of looking at things from strange new perspectives, I love his rare laughter, I love the light in his eyes, I... _

_No. This cannot be happening. We are merely friends, aren’t we? Yes, that is it. We are simply...very close. And even if these feelings, if I were to call them feelings, were genuine, which they are not, it would be impossible for them to procure results. We are friends, and we shall remain so._

... And Gabriel Utterson told himself a lie.

Utterson brought the tip of the pen to the paper, scratching a thin line through the bulletpoint reading “Potential Connection: Lovers?”. 

Despite this action in ink, that same uneasy, intense feeling remained within him. 

_ I will continue to observe young Hyde. Just in case. Whatever their relationship may be, it is certainly a cause for concern. Jekyll shouldn’t be associating with such a delinquent. I will watch for and learn more of this Hyde, for Henry’s sake. For his safety, of course. Nothing more... _

With this settled, Utterson closed his fountain pen, folded up the paper, and blew out the candle before making his way out of the office in the gloom. He ascended the stairs and navigated through the darkened hallway to his bedchamber, only slightly observant of the fact that his heart was, for lack of a better word, fluttering somewhat. Erratic. How unlike him! 

The dark corners of his bedroom still seemed to contain something just out of sight. Utterson supposed that, while tempting, parting the curtains could wait until morning.

When he slipped back into sleep, he again dreamed of a man walking through the moonlit city, roaming beneath the stars, and slipping into private chambers. 

The man was not Hyde.

**Author's Note:**

> *grabs Gabriel by the shoulders and shakes him* You have a heart, dammit!


End file.
